self-esteem

Giving Compliments

One of the most beautiful things we can do for each other is build each other up.  One of the simplest ways to build someone else up is simply to give them a compliment on how they look, how they make you feel, etc.  But there is just simply something wrong with how compliments are sometimes given.

Being facetious

Fret not if you think you are in the receiving end of a facetious compliment.  The problem here lies on the compliment-giver, not the receiver.  As a confident person, simply take the compliment with grace, and move on.  This kind of insincere compliment only makes the giver look bad and speaks of immaturity on their part.  Come on, can we say “mean girls” from high school all over again?

However, if you are the compliment-giver and you are being facetious – a word of caution –  only other immature people will go with it.  The old adage applies here – if you’ve got nothing good to say… don’t say it!  You’re not earning any brownie points by being that way.  This, perhaps worked in middle school and high school, but not anymore.  You’ve grown up.

Tearing yourself down in the process

And I could go on a forever tangent here.  Nothing agitates me more than getting a compliment from someone who is tearing themselves down in the process.  Once recently, and many times before, I have gotten a compliment on how good I look, only to say thank you and have the other person say something along the lines of “and I look like I just grabbed my clothes from the garage sale.” (or something along those lines).  I’ve always been left speechless.  Mostly because I get so angry that I can’t think clearly.

But to you, beautiful lady who tears herself down in the process of complimenting others, please, don’t do it.  Compliment away all you want –  I firmly believe complimenting others is good for your soul, but please don’t tear yourself down in the process.  You may not look or feel like a million bucks that day, but that doesn’t mean you get to bring yourself down.

 

 

self-esteem

How to handle compliments

As an image consultant, I like to look the part.  So I dress up with as much style according to my goals.  Because of this, I often get compliments on my outfits and how I look.  It is no secret, either, that I wasn’t always as well dressed, and that I even fell under the sloppy/frumpy category more often than not.  So when I started dressing better, and the compliments started coming in, I never knew how to handle them.  I also noticed that I wasn’t alone.  I often heard other women uncomfortable in their own skin when a compliment came their way.

My initial reaction was one of the blushing girl – nothing wrong with that.  I was lacking self-confidence, and being an introvert, I definitely never drew any attention to myself, so when the attention started coming towards me, I was shy, to say the least.  Thru much blushing, however, I still managed to say thank you, but -and here came a crucial mistake- I started grabbing the compliments and tearing them down.  For example, someone would say to me, “You look really good in that sweater,” and I would say something like “Oh, thanks, this old thing?” or “Thank you, I got it for $5!”

The problem with comments like that is that they only partially accept the compliment, and they speak of a lower self-esteem.  It’s like saying “Thank you, you’re right, I do look good in this sweater, but it’s an old/cheap/ugly/etc. piece of fabric.”  In all honesty, no one, unless they specifically ask, wants to know whether the sweater is 10 years old or if you bought it at the bargain locker.

So, with this in mind, as uncomfortable as it might be, next time you get complimented for your looks or your outfit, simply say thank you with a smile.  There is no need to tear down the compliment.  Simply accept it with as much grace as possible and move on.