reflections

Finding Motivation with Prayer.

You know, when you struggle with depression, it is hard to find motivation to do the smallest things.  Things that normally would get done, don’t get done.  What are normally simple tasks appear monumental.  Getting out of bed, for example.  Taking a shower, preparing breakfast, making coffee…  But there’s something I can still manage to do, and that is prayer.

I don’t have to pray a whole Rosary.  I don’t have to even complete a Hail Mary.  All I have to do is summon God and ask for his graces to just get motivated enough to get done the bare bones minimum, to ignore the Inner Mean Voice that tells me I am a failure, to get out of bed and see how my son is doing, brave my face in front of the mirror and brush my teeth.

This small prayer:  “Lord, grant me motivation to get going.” is normally good enough.  I force myself to get out of bed, and drag my feet around the house.  I keep repeating the prayer as a mantra throughout the day.  Until I find that even though I might have been dragging my feet, and skipped a few steps in the daily routine, I got things done.  And at the end of the day, the realization that the motivation to get going got granted, and humility to be thankful for it.

It is easy to take things for granted, but when it comes to being grateful, even the smallest of things is something to be thankful about.  Sometimes, just being grateful for breathing is enough to be grateful about, and it’s okay.  I have noticed that on days that I wake up thanking God for breathing, I am set in a better mindset to deal with the day than when I wake up and complain about how hard life is with depression.  Turns out gratitude is a good thing to have when you are struggling.

What are you thankful for today?

 

reflections

Forgiving Oneself and Being Forgiven

We all do some pretty bad things from time to time.  It is in our imperfect nature that we mess up.  And sometimes, we do something that we deem so terrible that we just can’t forgive ourselves.  Yes, I bet even some saints in Heaven have been there, too.  It’s all too human.

As Catholics, we have a great gift in the Holy Sacrament of Confession.  Sometimes, this guilt of having messed up, is eased by telling someone about the horrible thing we did, but it always feels better after it has been absolved by a priest (who sits in persona Christi).  Sometimes, however, even after the repentance, absolution and penitence, we still can’t seem to shake off the guilt.  I think this is because we haven’t forgiven ourselves.

It is all too easy to get caught up in the guilt – a tool that the devil sometimes uses to keep us away from Confession and from feeling better.  But we have to remember that no matter how awful our mishap/mistake/sin was, we have to forgive ourselves.  Obviously, we have the guilt because we feel bad about it, and that’s a good sign that we repent.  However, when this guilt doesn’t go away, we need to work on forgiving ourselves.  This can be hard, but the beauty of Confession is that you can bring up this pain, this guilt, as many times as needed until you process what happened.

Wallowing in the guilt is not going to make things better.  Keeping the sin to ourselves is not going to forgive it.  So, I highly encourage you to go to Confession to be forgiven and to forgive yourself.

reflections

The Inner Voice that Abuses You

We all have that inner voice that whispers “Keep going” when the going gets tough.  Unfortunately, for some of us, this voice also whispers horrible things to us throughout the day.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before.  It is that voice that tells you “ugly” when you look at the mirror.  It is that voice that tells you “you’re a failure” when you make a mistake.  We all have it, and it abuses you in different ways, at different levels, during different circumstances.

This Inner Abusive Voice keeps us depressed and anxious.  And who wouldn’t?  If you were constantly told that you’re ugly, fat, a failure, and/or unlovable, wouldn’t you feel sad? Yet, most of us have an inner abusive voice that is ready to constantly put us down.

I don’t have an answer as to how to silence these inner voices, as I am working on that in therapy, but I do have a little bit of an insight.

If Jesus is able to love us with all He is, and with his infinite compassion, why can’t we try to imitate him and love ourselves with such infinite love?  He did tell us to love one another as He has loved us.  It was His commandment.  We know we can’t love others if we don’t love ourselves, so why not start by loving ourselves a little more, so we can love our neighbor a little more, more Christlike?

We can start by having compassion for ourselves.  Maybe next time you make a mistake and you hear that snarl of your inner abusive voice saying you’re a failure, show yourself some compassion and correct that voice.  “I am not a failure, I am only human, and, as such, prone to mistakes.  Nobody is perfect, and neither am I.”  Maybe, next time that little voice is saying that you are ugly, you can correct it and say, “I am beautiful as I am, for I am made to the image and liking of God.”

These corrections are actually much better than the abusive alternative!  Maybe something to work on…